¤ It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

¤ Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

¤ Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

¤ No one is listening until you fart.

¤ Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

¤ Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

¤ Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

¤ If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

¤ Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

¤ If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

¤ If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

¤ Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

¤ Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

¤ Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

¤ The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

¤ A closed mouth gathers no foot.

¤ Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

¤ There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

¤ Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

¤ Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

¤ Never miss a good chance to shut up.

**There is your daily moment of Zen...EnJoY!**